His signet ring, My victory.

I've fallen under. I really have. I did it again. 

Have you ever forgotten about yourself? Are people capable of doing so? 

I don't quite get myself, for allowing time devoted to people who matter, land me in losing me. I knew enough to have seen this coming. But I'm tired, and climbing back up is not getting easier. So.. I head for lectures and tutorials with a great hole, where motivation and perseverance used to fill. I can't focus enough, I just want to rest and have time for me. Have time for God. 

I love people. I love the people around me, who matter to me. But I can't.. 

Is there such a thing as loving excessively? Or loving too much? Or just, listening too much. 

That's my problem. And it isn't the first time I've heard or seen this happening but I insistently put others before myself and later.. abandon me, quite literally. That's my problem.

The thing about introverts is that if inadequate attention and time is given to their being, they fall apart. I do at least. Because I don't bother giving me my Itime, which I realised, has become a necessity. 

I don't enjoy or particularly like falling apart and being so weak and vulnerable. Because, I know there's more for me to accomplish and achieve and I can't stop. A fine example would be assignments, presentations and projects. There are deadlines. 

Then I guess, there's only so much my spirit is able to handle in one season too.

So in this season, I ask for understanding. I ask for time to retreat. And I ask for time to recover. There are people I need to talk to, to mentor, to dedicate time to. But I don't know if I'm able to do that now. That doesn't mean that they're forgotten, please believe me. Please understand. 

I no longer have the capacity to do so because as I was reaching my hands out to people who needed it, I failed to catch hold of the hand I needed most. 

I have hope, because God reminded me of one of His many promises: 

His signet ring, My victory.

There's my safety. There's my strength. And there's, my victory.